Shadow0764: March 2010

You are Not a Was

A Tribute to my Grandmother,

Edna Moore Ellis, on her 98th Birthday.

I wanted to write this to wish you a very Happy 98th Birthday. I made your chocolate cake today and Joey and I sang Happy Birthday. This was the first year I was okay with it, probably because I've studied so much about Heaven since you've moved there. I remembered today how often we would joke (and hope) that you would live to see triple digits. I so wanted that to be true. Thanks to Randy Alcorn and his wonderful book, Heaven, I understand that you will live to see those triple digits, you're just celebrating your birthday in heaven this year... and I know that if you had the choice right now, you'd choose to remain where you are. Mostly, though, I know that you are not a was... you are still very much alive, you've just changed your residence, and that is very comforting to me.

I wanted to thank you for all that you did for me while you were here on earth. My fondest memories of you were the private times we had together when I lived with you. I remember coming home from work as a teenager, and it was often late when I got in, but you were there, sitting on the couch reading your Bible, and you'd have a warm dinner waiting for me on the stove. I thank you for that because it was long past dinner time.

I remember there were many times as a teenager when I was so down, and I would lay my head on your lap and you would brush my hair until I calmed. And as you would brush my hair you would tell me stories of your childhood. Mama teaching you to sew, or papa as a painter. I especially remember your story about Papa's tired feet!

I remember members of your Sunday School class coming to you during times of joy and sadness. One would come and tell you about her new grandbaby, and you'd smile and say "God is so good". Then another would tell you of the death of a loved one, and you'd hug her and tell her how sorry you were, and that God would get her through it because He's a good God.

I remember the car rides we'd go on.... to Walmart or Kroger.... and I remember telling you once that you didn't have to worry about the cart, that I would push it for you. And your sweet smile as you told me you needed it to lean on... the thought just crossed my mind that the walmart cart was your earliest walker! I remember afternoon naps, and your girlfriends coming for a friendly game of bridge, and I'd walk in after school. And I remember your jumping up during the game with a big smile on your face and putting your arm around me. This is my granddaughter, you'd say.

I remember our family pulling up in your driveway as a little child and that big smile on your face as you'd open the iron door and say "Get in this house"!! And I remember the story about how you waited for me when Mom was pregnant... if it's a girl I'll dress her, you'd say. And I am so happy that I was the little girl you waited for.

I remember your exact spot in the church choir, and watching you sing each Sunday morning with your costume jewelry and your lipstick on. And lunch at Picadilly after church and your explaining that if I got the dilly plate I could get a meat and 2 veggies and it was cheaper. And I remember after a while the doctor telling you to cut down on your activities, and your moving from the choir to the 4th row, left side, and your holding my hand as we sang the hymns. I remember many times when we'd get in bed and watch TV together, and we'd munch on popcorn or cheese dip, and eventually fall asleep... and then I'd get up and get in my own bed because of your snoring.

And, of course, who could forget the movies... the Sound of Music, Pride and Prejudice, Meet me in St. Louis, An Affair to Remember, and the TV... the Lawrence Welk show.. it took so long to find that one on video, but you could watch it each Saturday at 7.

And I remember not too long before you passed when we were at the hospital and I couldn't get you to calm, and I finally climbed up in the hospital bed with you and laid there and held your hand.... and you kept saying don't leave me... and finally you relaxed and fell asleep, and as you were sleeping I remember laying my head on your shoulder and crying your words back to you... please don't leave me... and you stayed a while longer. But a few weeks later God called you home. And I was lost.. but only for a while... because the greatest lesson I would learn from such a Godly grandmother was that love doesn't die.

All of these things I remember live on inside me. The love expressed by you to me still lives on... and on the days when life is hard, I can find one of your afghans and wrap myself in it, and close my eyes and go to your house in my mind.... with the peace of knowing that you are very much alive in Heaven. You don't need your walker anymore, you don't get confused, no more hospital visits for you, you are not suffering. You are the strongest and the happiest that you have ever been, and Jesus Christ is taking good, good care of you.

I just wanted you to know you are still loved here on earth too. We haven't forgotten about you. I still have the baby dresses you made for the girls so long ago. I'm saving them for the grandchildren I will have one day. I also have about 20 of the washclothes you made. I can't bring myself to use them but one day I will. And I still have your Bible, right here at my bedside. You know you left enough Bibles that everybody got one! And each of them was marked up with your notes.

Thank you for the good, good memories, thank you for your love, and thank you for the wonderful Christian heritage. I know that you are not a was.... You are very much alive, and when it's my time... I'll see you at the gate.

I love you Mammaw.